​ 
​When Barbara Black was a very little girl, her grandfather would sit her upon his knees and tell her the story, and, although she’d heard it a dozen times, she loved to hear it once more: [1]  A handsome soldier in a Confederate uniform approached a pretty young miss for the purpose of asking her directions. His name was J. William Hutchinson, and he was actually with the 13th New York Cavalry, acting as a Scout in what he thought was enemy territory. The young lady was Lida Dutton, a Quakeress living in one of the only pro-Union villages in Lee’s Virginia.

    By his uniform, she assumed he was a Confederate soldier. By the fact she was standing in Virginia, he assumed she was a Rebel. He politely asked her the way to a certain place, and from there things took an interesting turn.

    Being a Quaker, Lida wouldn’t knowingly lie, but she also wouldn’t knowingly help a Confederate get where he was going any faster than he should, and so she cheerfully gave him directions using landmarks used only by the locals: “Left at Brown’s stump, right at Uncle Harmon’s well, left at Zilpha’s Rock...” As the end of the impossible-to-follow directions, Hutchinson quietly asked, “Miss, which side would you like for me to be on?”

    Momentarily flustered, she finally blurted out: “If you’re a Rebel, I hate you, but if you’re a Northerner, I love you!” At this point, he introduced himself and showed her his Union insignia.

    And that is how Lida Dutton quite literally met her match...

    An excellent summation of the trials and tribulations of Waterford Quakers is beautifully detailed in the Waterford Foundation book, To Talk is Treason, by John Souders, Bronwen Souders and John Divine. Most of the story of Lida and Lizzie Dutton and Sarah Steer is contained therein. It is abundantly clear from their histories, each of these women were capable of being that Editor referred to as “bent on having her own way".

    And what of Lizzie and Lida Dutton after the war? Both continued to write, submitting poetry and articles to local newspapers on occasion, but life still had a few surprises left for them. 

    Lizzie continued to live in the now quiet village of Waterford, and we could forgive her for assuming the exciting portion of her life was over. There had been one fleeting correspondence between herself and a Lieut. James Dunlop of the 7th Indiana - a friend to her fallen fiancé and the very man who’d written her with news of his death - but, after the war, Lieut. Dunlop had gone home to Indiana to marry his childhood sweetheart.

    But fate decreed Dunlop’s wife would die within two years of the marriage. He never remarried, and for years he let the thought nag him: “Whatever happened to Lizzie Dutton?” In 1881, he came to Washington on business and used the excuse to send a card to the Dutton home. The reply was a letter from Miss Elizabeth Dutton.

    He took himself straightway to Waterford. An account of the event reads, as the two renewed their acquaintance, “matters flowed on so easily, smoothly, and naturally, that in a few weeks Mr. Dunlop found himself at his Indiana home busily engaged in preparing for the reception of a new mistress, and soon the little town of Waterford was all a blaze of light and a scene of general rejoicing, for the lady was popular and beloved by all.” Joseph Dunlop and Lizzie Dutton were married January 22, 1882.[21]

     Last, but not in the least least, there was the matter of strong-minded Lida. Was she be able to square things with her Union Lieutenant after her bold attempt to hood-wink him? Yes, but not before he winked right back.

    Lieutenant Hutchinson followed his surprise introduction by telling Lida he planned to hold her to her bold promise — her promise to love him if he were a Northerner. When she regained her composure, she told him she believed she’d said “like,” not “love.” He strongly disagreed and promised to return for her after the war.

    Well, like him or love him, when Lieut. Hutchinson came back for her, she married him. Apparently they continued the happy argument of “like” vs. “love” with their children as audience...  their grandchildren... and, eventually, their great-grandchildren. 

    The two were man and wife for 53 years before William passed away. [23]  

     Heroes are the simple creation of continually choosing to do life justice in the midst of trying circumstances. Thanks to the preservation of Loudoun history, we’re able to celebrate the heart of these three heroes: Sarah, Lizzie and Lida... three women editors who were, thank heaven, absolutely bent on having their own way.

    And they must have the last word: 

This article was first published in Citizen's Companion Magazine The author, Meredith This article was first published in Citizens' Companion Magazine. The author, Meredith Bean McMath, is an award-winning historian and prize-winning playwright who resides in Loudoun County, Va. Her Civil War novel, Pella's Angel, is set in Loudoun County, Virginia during the Civil War and is available on Amazon and via Kindle.com


REFERENCES

[1] Letter of Barbara Dutton Conrow Black to Ladies Home Journal dated Feb. 4, 1962 (copy in Waterford Foundation Archives, Waterford, VA)
[2] Waterford Perspectives, Education Committee of The Waterford Foundation, Waterford Foundation Archives
[3] To Talk is Treason, Bronwen and John Souders and John Divine, The Waterford Foundation, Waterford, VA (1997) p. 56
[4] The Waterford News, Vol. 1, No.’s 1-8 (copies in “Civil War File” of The Thomas Balch Library, Leesburg, VA and The Waterford Foundation Archives)
[5] ibid, Vol. I, No. 2 (Nov. 6, 1864)
[6] “Robert Todd Lincoln” papers, Manuscript Division, Library of Congress (referred to in Oct. 6, 1955 article from The Blue Ridge Herald, “Lincoln Papers Reveal Waterford Had Newspaper During Civil War;” copy in “Civil War File,” Thomas Balch Library).
[7] To Talk is Treason, et al
[8] The Transformation of American Quakerism, by Thomas D. Hamm, Indiana Univ. Press (1988), p. 52
[9] “Girls Published Civil War Newspaper,” by Emma H. Conrow, Baltimore American, February 5 1922, p. C-3 (copy in “Civil War File” at the Thomas Balch Library and The Waterford Foundation archives).
[10] The Waterford News, Vol. I, No. 6 (Nov. 26, 1864)
[11] ibid, Vol. I, No.1 (May 28, 1864)
[12] Essays of Friends Literary Society, Waterford, 1857-60, Rare Manuscripts — Thomas Balch Library, Leesburg, VA
[13] To Talk is Treason, p. 87
[14] The Waterford News, Vol. I, No. 1 (May 28, 1864)
[15] The Waterford News, Vol. I, No. 3 (July 2, 1864)
[16] Waterford Perspectives
[17] Hillsboro: Memories of a Mill Town, Hillsboro Bicentennial History Ctte, Pub’d by the Hillsboro Community Association, p. 25 (The Thomas Balch Library)
[18] To Talk is Treason, p. 92
[19] Ye Meetg Hous Smal, Werner and Asa Moore Janney published by Werner and Asa Moore Janney (The Thomas Balch Library) p. 42 - insert
[20] Friends Intelligencer, vol. XX, pp 250-251 (copies in Waterford Foundation Archives)
[21] The County of Loudoun, by Nan Donnelly-Shay and Griffin Shay, The Donning Co. (1988) p. 53
[22] Camp & Field, Sketches of Army Life, by Wilbur F. Hinman (Cleveland, 1892) (Ref., The Thomas Balch Library) pp 422-423
[23] “Commonplace Book” by Mary Frances Dutton Steer (collection of letters and memoirs), Waterford Foundation Archives, p. 15

DECEMBER 2009

Ever wondered what it would be like to put together a "Light Musical" in 7 short weeks. Had to be ready for Valentine's Weekend! Wondered what the trials, tribulations and triumphs of writing and directing that show might be? All right. Then how about a diary as we work with professional singers and some of the best actors in the DC area to create a comedy with gorgeous music. Great! Let's go...

Romance from Broadway to Lincoln Center began when a man deeply involved in the arts here in Loudoun County, Virginia: Chris Maré. met with Loudoun Lyric Opera President Pamela Butler to throw out an idea: interest new audiences in Opera through a review of Broadway and Opera songs, and set the show in 1966, just as the Metropolitan Opera was being relocated from 39th and Broadway to its new digs Lincoln Center. Pam knew a good idea when she heard one, brought it back to the board and the tweaking began. The common theme became "Romance", and Pam suggested having the review hosted by Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald (two of my personal heroes).

Pam asked if I would I like a commission to write the script and direct the show? As these are my two favorite occupations, I jumped at the chance. And, since then, creating Romance from Broadway to Lincoln Center has been like writing a sonnet — one long, painful, curious, but ultimately satisfying sonnet.

Nelson and Jeannette soon evolved into a married couple with respective expertise in Opera and Broadway music. They'd be rehearsing a tribute presentation of romantic music, each presenting fascinating details of the songs from their respective genres. The catch: there's no money for the production, so their producer, Jackie, has wheedled the Jeanette and Nelson into letting everyone rehearse in their living room.

My "Poetic" constraints:
1. Every song had to be in the public domain, because who can afford modern works? 1966 made that a cinch, and our Music Director, Cuong Van, Pam Butler and I worked together to choose each piece.
2. Audition the best singers in the area - the ones able to perform both Broadway and opera tunes (two completely different sets of vocal training) - during the busiest time of the performance season.
3. Oh, and make certain all of them can act, because they'll all have lines.
4. Write a brilliant show. Or a great show? Or a good show. But for heaven's sake, Meredith, don't write a bad show. This last I must leave to the critics to decide... but it keeps me up at night, just the same.

Besides finding songs in the public domain, 1966 turned out to be a great choice for me for two reasons: I began life as an American historian, and it's easy for me to wanna' play in that sandbox. Secondly, I had two fabulous aunts who lived in New York City in '66. Some of my best childhood memories involve visits with my highly sophisticated Aunt Ruthie who worked for Life Magazine and lived in a posh city apartment. And even more memorable were my visits with my brilliant, enthusiastic and artsy Aunt Libba, who worked at a medical research center and happily dragged me to every favorite corner of "her city", so I could truly understand why New York City was the center of the Universe.

So, let's talk romance. All great story telling begins with strong, recognizable conflict, so of course the stars, Nelson and Jeanette, must be at odds: he's opera; she's Broadway. He's the Managing Director of the renowned Brittleupsie-Yodelthor Opera Company, and she's the Head of Broadway Musical Research at the Glockenfluder Institute of Rhythm and Lyrical Song. He thinks Broadway is fluff; she thinks opera is a snob's game. But they've both been hired by the Paleos Perdomai (Latin translation, "Old Farts") Foundation to present a history and presentation of romantic opera and Broadway music. Jackie, the producer, has worked with Nelson and Jeanette before, and when these two begin to fray at the edges, she knows how to knit things up.
 
WRITING and CASTING and CHANGES, OH, MY!

This... has been an unusual play in so many ways, with casting no exception. Playwrights know that having a strong sense of character helps a play along, and I prefer Neil Simon's method: he writes a new play with a certain actor in mind. I've used this technique on and off for years, depending on the work, and, if I'm lucky, the actor I have in mind is actually available for the show. I especially like to "pre-cast" in my head when I have a short amount of time to write, and my writing time for Romance was tight. When Pam Butler suggested the Nelson Eddy / Jeanette MacDonald concept - a married, musical couple looking back on their work ala Maytime - I immediately thought of Penny Hauffe and Phil Erickson, two actors with whom I've had the pleasure to work for many years in many different types of shows. Once I had those leads in my mind, I was ready to write.

As I let my mind burble, the framework for the show became a rehearsal... in the home of the couple. Oh! Suddenly, I needed a producer. No sooner had I begun to write the role of a Producer than it became Nancy Purcell's role - another fabulous local actor.
Now it was time to break into a cold sweat and call Penny, Phil and Nancy, hoping beyond hope they could all do it... Yes, they were available and willing! Huzzah!

I asked the three to come over and read the first 10 pages with me. I'm never so precious with my words that I can't appreciate one simple fact: an actor who invests hours trying to understand their character is likely to see something in a role that I couldn't while my subconscious was pouring out a play. And, for the rehearsals of a play's premiere performance, the playwright is usually right there in the rehearsal studio, because a playwright who puts a lid on the actors' process while trying to get a new work on its feet is a fool.

Same rule applies for a director who tries to bring actors "to heel" to a precise artistic vision for any play. A great production is always a group effort, a group investment, and, if done correctly, a group pleasure beyond words.

So I listened to Penny, Phil and Nancy's input, and, as I continued writing, six singers began to come to life, and their songs and stories began to naturally intertwine with the warring couple and their embattled producer. In addition to the singers, Since the "rehearsal" takes place in the couple's living room, it was natural to have a large piano there... and that meant the pianist had to become part of the show... and take some of the lines.

Well, Loudoun Lyric Opera's exceptional Music Director, Cuong Van, is a world-renowned pianist with undergraduate degrees from Saigon Conservatory and Moscow State University, and a Masters in Orchestral Conducting from Cleveland Institute of Music. Former concert engagements include Lincoln Center, Carnegie Hall and the Smithsonian Institution, and in December, Cuong had been in Vietnam conducting the Ho Chi Minh City Orchestra.

But... something told me he'd be up for this. I braved the phone call, ET VOILA! Yes, Cuong was happy to play the part.

This was just getting better and better.

Next up: in order to secure the six singers needed for the show, Pam Butler sent an audition notice to her Loudoun Lyric Opera list. With the help of accompanist Nancy Prestipino, Pam and I spent two wonderful evenings meeting and listening to some of the most amazing singing talent in the area. Opera singers tend to perform with local companies like Loudoun Lyric Opera alongside professional organizations such as Washington or National Opera, so the vast majority of those auditioning were professional singers in every sense of the word. And the group I wanted to cast held both Broadway Musical and Opera experience - and were terrific actors, as well.

I felt like a kid in a candy store.

Casting came together (with only a couple bumps in the road: always hard to find enough male tenors!), and now I really can't wait to get started. This odd little hybrid holds great promise!

January 6, 2010
THE READ THROUGH

Monday night the cast and crew of "Romance from Broadway to Lincoln Center" met in a meeting room at Leesburg United Methodist Church, circled the long benches, and read through the script together for the first time. As a writer and a director, the first read -through is an adventure riddled with adrenalin rushes and moments of shear terror.

As a director, you love it when the actors start to get a feel for the show and really start to enjoy themselves. And the cast was fabulous, so stacked up to a hundred read-throughs before this one, it was a pure delight. But you're also taking notes as you go, and your heart stops a little when you realize something isnt working.

Then you spend a sleepless night thinking about how it went, mulling things over, and by morning, you know what you have to do and how to help the actor do it.

But for the playwright the reading was another kettle of fish. The gist of the show is to have the couple begin arguing and have the Producer bring them back together in the end, with the singers and pianist trapped in the middle several times.

For the audience to go along for that ride, they have to like the couple before things get out of hand. If the two begin the fight too early (and they were), the audience would spend the whole night hoping they'd shut up and get a divorce already.

Just needed to tweak things...

It was easy for me to make Jeannette more gentle, but what could I do for Nelson? He needed to love his wife, but he also had to be a true opera snob. What do I do to make the audience like him, without changing focus?

Well, Frank Capra once said, If you can't make a character good, make 'em clever. That was my next task. Make Nelson more clever.

And one more thing that needed tweaking was the tension build - the kind that keeps audiences on the edge of their seat. My ride had some bumps to smooth out.

One joy of the reading was to hear the vocalists act. The show is such an anomaly - a combo pack of Broadway and opera song - that I was once worried we wouldn't find singers who could go between the genres. And if they could sing, could they act? I shouldn't have worried. These vocalists have a broad range of experience in both opera and musicals, and most have had acting experience. In fact one, Melody Prochazka, first trained at NYU had studied at the Stella Adler Studio. Melody plays Susie, a flamboyant singer who flirts with Nelson every chance she gets. Pitch perfect at the read-through, I can't wait to see what she brings to it as we layer the work in rehearsals.

Ah, the layers.

There was a time when I was learning the basics of Director basics and I wanted everything happening at once: I'd tell the actors EVERYTHING I wanted for their character in every moment... and be surprised when they gave me a performance equivalent to a dead stare.

Thank heaven I learned.

The fellow who taught me how to slowly build a show was Tom Sweitzer (Now head of the acclaimed "A Place to Be" Music Therapy Academy in Middleburg, Virginia). As Tom worked through our play, PORCHES, I'd say, "But Tom, you haven't asked her to go further with that!" And he'd say, "She's not ready, Meredith. When she's ready, I'll ask her to go full out."

And he would, and she did, and I learned.

One thing a director also has to learn is that you 're lucky if the actors remember and apply 10% of what you're asking for. So only ask for the most important things... and then let them own it and take it from there. As I've mentioned before, one thing I really love about the rehearsal process is watching actors bring amazing things to a script... if you let them. So I start the first rehearsal with blocking (movement) and talk about some of the things I think are important to the show. And we build a show together from there.

Our first true rehearsal (last night) was only with the principal actors: Penny Hauffe (as Jeanette McAvoy), Phil Erickson (Nelson Eddington), and Nancy Purcell (Jackie, the Producer). We first talked about the characters (and the new changes I 'd made to the script).

These three actors are excellent and, in a musical, they tend to want to build from the physical out. So we started discussing their look, their demeanor, costuming - the elements that will cue them to head in the direction they want to go.

For the producer, it'll be a sophisticated - slightly artsy style. Pantsuit for a "power woman" of 1966.

For Nelson, it's a tweedy sophistication - the glasses are crucial to give him the scholar's gravitas. For Jeanette, it's embracing the "Beat Generation" culture - where hippies were soon to come from, so she hangs out a lot at the famous Caffé Cino  - a great source of 1960s New York City beatnik culture, and one of the first off-off Broadway venues to explore new plays, poetry and other art forms. This is in huge contrast, of course, to Nelson's interest in opera - a conservative cultural phenomena - and there's the natural conflict between the two.

From there, we walked through the First Act with basic blocking and established what I consider the important things: the couple has to clearly love each other and the Producer has to clearly become alarmed as their relationship begins to disintegrate.

From now on, I'll shut my mouth a bit, sit back and see what the actors bring...

January 2010
FOUR WEEKS OUT!

As a playwright, I'm very aware that the words of a play are living things — things that are going to be read aloud, interpreted and chucked back at you by those rare, brave beings the world calls actors, so you better be ready for it. What I love about writing plays is that you find out whether it's working right away. If the actors don't get it, you first have to ask yourself whether they should get it. And if they should, how are you going to make that aspect of the plot, or the joke, or the character clearer to them... so it'll be clear to the audience?

Hey, sometimes you want things to be subtle. When I wrote the book for Tom Sweitzer's musical, PORCHES, we wanted the audience to wonder about the paperboy and the woman with him… and let each audience member discover for themselves that the two were not, in fact, of this earth. But a romantic comedy rarely needs to be subtle.

As I've already mentioned, in every play the audience has to either love (Jeanette), admire (Nelson), or empathize (Jackie) with characters. Now they or their situation always needs to be funny.

Personally, I like to build a joke in layers (which is to say, building a character with layers, such when that person does the same ridiculous thing again, your audience becomes absolutely giddy with recognition). But then there's the Comedy Rule of Three: you can ruin any good thing if you revisit it more than thrice. This is as firm a law of physics as the Law of Entropy.

Next, for the audience to have a chance to laugh, they have to believe the conflict. Very important rule: share a private joke with the audience — something they can see but the characters can't.

Last rule: my old play writing instructor says there are no rules in comedy, so these are just my rules.

I have Actors' Rules, too. Each actor has to love their characters. Doesn't matter if they're evil or good, brilliant or dense, if they don't love who they are, the audience will sense it. It's all downhill from there. It's just physics.

As a director, one of my jobs is to help an actor invest in that character - make it their own. But as a playwright directing their own show, I can't get too nuts about whether the words are memorized perfectly. Infinitely more important to me that they understand the character and let ideas flow from there.

For example, at our last rehearsal, Kim Shahbazian brought up a great point: she plays Mary, and I wrote Mary as a vocalist who goes from shy to brazen during the play. As Kim worked on Mary, she pointed out that, if this girl was a successful vocalist, she couldn't really be shy, could she? She thought maybe neurotic would be a better starting point. Well, folks, that is even funnier, of course, and it'll be even funnier to you when you see the show.

This is exactly the sort of thing I love about rehearsals. In fact, at that last rehearsal, every actor brought something new to their character.

And when that starts happening (and I know it will keep right on happening), the rehearsal process becomes this amazing journey of discovery. As the actors throw out ideas, my creative juices begin pumping - which lead to new ideas - ways to play on a running theme - pull in a running joke - or bring together a stray piece from another part of the play. We work as a team to make the play richer, deeper, more layered.

That whole wonderful process then translates into a living, vibrant performance that will abide in audiences' memories for a very long while.

Is it any wonder I love actors? Any wonder I find directing a most noble and rewarding pursuit?

February 6
THE LAWS OF NATURE

Art loves to make room for nature, but this is ridiculous. Loudoun County, Virginia is buried under 3 feet of snow (still falling as of Saturday, Feb. 6 at 11:30 am), and our week of Technical Rehearsals (Tech Week) for Romance begins Monday.

Sigh.

First the good news: the show was pretty much ready a week ago, so I'm not losing sleep... yet. In fact, the cast and I were hoping to strike a balance and not wind up over-rehearsing. Well... no worries about that now!

Monday at 4 pm is the time we're supposed to load in the set to Franklin Park Performing Arts Center in Purcellville. Yes. That should be hilarious. Thankfully, this set is meant to be black box - just furniture with some standing pieces to give the set height. A truck is what we need to transport furniture, and a truck is going to be the only thing that can get around town on Monday, so that's all good!

Tuesday night is full dress rehearsal (the only night everyone can be there), and we were expecting about 100 high school drama students from Stone Bridge H.S. for audience, but... there ain't gonna' be any school on Tuesday.

Oh, and they're predicting a little more snow that day, too. So, that'll be even more fun.

But, since "hoping" worked out so well for us last time, here's one more hope: I hope everyone has cabin fever by next weekend and they all dig out of their igloos to come see Romance at Franklin Park. We'll be there if we have to get there by toboggan!

ROMANCE FROM BROADWAY TO LINCOLN CENTER was produced to critical acclaim at both Franklin Park Arts Center in Purcellville, Virginia and Lansdowne Resort in Leesburg, Virginia. Romance was sponsored by The Friends of Franklin Park Arts Center and produced by the Loudoun Lyric Opera Company.

The performances were dedicated to the memory of Christopher Maré, who, we are sad to say, passed away before rehearsals began.

Meredith Bean McMath
 
###
 
A note from 2010 Loudoun Lyric Opera President read at Christopher Maré's memorial service concerning the beginnings of Romance from Broadway to Lincoln Center

On rare occasions, a chance meeting or brief acquaintance can have a lifelong effect.  That was my experience with Christopher Maré.
 
I met Chris only once, on April 24th of this year [2009].  We shared lunch at Magnolia’s while discussing Loudoun Lyric Opera’s exciting plans to move into our first theater home at Franklin Park Arts Center this fall.  Chris’ knowledge of opera was extensive and he shared my great love for the art (What other venue allows one to sing, dance, act and communicate in a foreign language all at once?)
 
Chris & I also shared several common acquaintances in the performing arts world, from here in Loudoun County up the East Coast to New York City and the South shores of Lake Ontario.  I felt immediately connected to Chris through our common interests, his wealth of knowledge and delightful persona. 
 
During lunch Chris shared his idea for a musical revue to be presented by LLO at Franklin Park.  He suggested using the title, “From Broadway to Lincoln Center” and that LLO perform songs from both musical theater and opera, as a means of acquainting new audiences to our art form.  LLO ran with his idea, and our show will take place Valentine’s weekend 2010 in his memory.  Our Pie Jesu from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Requiem offered at today’s service, celebrates Chris’ life and shares his love of the combined styles of Broadway and classical compositions.
 
As Loudoun Lyric Opera enters its third season, I trust that Chris will somehow be watching over us.  Our choice of the songs You’ll Never Walk Alone from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s Carousel and The Prayer (“I pray you’ll be our eyes and watch us where we go…”) show our faith that he will continue with us on our musical journey.

The other day a good friend asked me what my Focal Seizures are like, and it occurred to me I’ve never blogged about the experience. If you, a friend or a relative has Epilepsy, this might be worth your time. Here goes…

My Grand Mal seizures are under control through medication, but the Focal Seizures get me now and then. When they come, I feel like my conscious mind is floating away from my head. I can actually feel my thoughts detaching from my present self - flying like winged angels - and in short order, I’m won't to able to think clearly or speak clearly..

The worse one I've had was a time I blacked out, Felt my thoughts leaving and got to a cushioned chair in the nick of time. When my husband came home, my eyes were open and I spoke to him - told him about my day. He said I made no sense. I don't remember any of this, but eventually thoughts became clearer.

For all my other Focals, I’ve been awake and aware the whole time. And when I feel that detachment happening, I begin to talk to myself and take deep breaths and ask myself who I am, where I live, what day it is… that sort of thing. This helps me stay calm, but it doesn’t stop the seizure. And within a minute, I won’t be able to make sense. Eyes open, speaking... but making no sense. And then I just have to patiently wait until my brain gets back in order.

Whole process used to terrify me, but, these days, I find it interesting and try to learn as much about Epilepsy as I can.

In my particular case, Focal seizures develop in my brain’s left Frontal Lobe - the home of memory and verbal ability, among other things. My Neurologist learned this for certain after I had a 3-day EEG at Fairfax Hospital, Fairfax, Virginia.

He explained that, as my seizure begins, my brain waves become more and more agitated (see image below) which makes it more and more difficult for parts of my brain to communicate with each other. For instance, we have a place in our brain that holds words and an area that creates sentences. When the brain waves between those two go crazy (those big spikes on the EEG), I suddenly can’t make sense.

Above is a piece of art that now sits over my desk. This struck me as the perfect image of the difficulty I have finding words and forming sentences when my brain is agitated (The art piece was created by Griffin Caton, a DaVinci Art student. DaVinci is an offshoot of Arts for All - Loudoun here in Virginia. AFA has been providing theatre and art programs for people with special needs for over 33 years).

I’ve had Epilepsy for 6 years now, and am thankful I rarely have seizures any more. To avoid them I not only serious anti-seizure medications but I've also had to close my business and be very careful about taking on stressful situations. I have to be careful, because seizures - especially Grand Mals (now called Tonic-Clonics) - do serious damage to long and short-term memory. I’m thankful I’m a writer and took “notes” on my life. I have good days and bad days - days I can remember the name of my first grade teacher and days I can’t remember what I did that morning.

But back to the Focal Seizures: they don’t last long - 30 minutes to an hour, tops.

Then I try to figure out why I had them:

• Too much stress today? Have to look over my responsibilities.
• Low salt? That can happen, because I have Hyponatremia.
• Loss of the anti-seizure med’s effectiveness? Yes, if I’ve been sick and been… unable to retain things.

Next up, I get to tell my Neurologist what happened, and he decides whether to see me this time. Lastly, I get to count off 6 months on my calendar before the state of Virginia will let me drive again (Very glad we live in a walk-able neighborhood within a mile of grocery stores, restaurants and Cornwall Medical Facility).

Now, let's talk about the strange subset of my new life: memory loss.

The oddly good news is that I can enjoy things over and over again. "I love this movie!" I tell my husband. "Have I seen it before?" "Yep. Just last weekend." Grateful for his love and patience.
 
But I realized something else the other day... something strangely amazing: having someone tell me I’ve forgotten things does not come with the sort of sorrow I'm certain I used to feel. An example would be the normal sadness over having a good friend move away. In the old days, I would miss a friend as I thought back over all the good times, how great she was to be with, and all the things we did together that we won’t be able to do again.
 
Seizures have wiped clean most of those memories. So odd.
 
Now, over time certain memories may return in full or in part, and there are times when someone talks about an event, and pieces of it will come back to me. But when they don’t come back at all, well… I simply can’t miss what I can’t recall.
 
I go through old family photos and see that I’ve been to wonderful places, but in most, the details are gone – often no idea where, when or with whom they were taken. So, the photos themselves become the only memory. And the only thing I can be sad about is being told what fun we had.
 
But I'll add that I have to tell people this is not Alzheimer’s or Dementia. This is not a slow decay. The memory damage is done during a seizure and uncontrolled seizures will do more damage, so I stick to the medications and change doctors when they do a lousy job. And that’s why I will constantly say, “Find a good Neurologist, and do what they say, because deciding to handle Epilepsy on your own is incredibly dangerous”.

So, that’s my life, but every person with Epilepsy is completely unique and the list of reasons for seizures seem infinite (Which is why we have to be our own best advocates): examples include being born with it or developing it due to brain injuries or a tumor, having an inability to manage stress, chronic low salt (Hyponoatrermia) or having an auto-immune disease (My auto-immune disease may have been why it showed up… or it just showed up at a moment in my life when my brain suddenly decided it wouldn’t handle stress anymore).

And there are at least 15 different types of seizures, which are based on where the seizure activity occurs in the brain. After a 3-day EEG at Fairfax Hospital, my Neurologist knew mine developed in my left Frontal Lobe - which is why my memory and speech are affected.

And alllllll those pieces of the puzzle affect what medication/s work - IF the doctors can find the right med for you. The first medicine I was given stopped the Grand Mals (now called Tonic Clonic seizures, by the way), but it caused me to have severe mood swings. Second med gave me a severe rash that began to close my throat. Then came the one I’m on now. It gives me headaches and itchy rashes, but with a little Tylenol ant-itch creams, I’m set. And I’m deeply thankful this med works, because there are no other effective medications for me… at this time (Yay, for research!).

My Neurologist also suggested my memory loss and verbal ability would improve if I could lose weight back to my ideal weight (which I very nearly have) and get regular exercise (which is why I walk at least 30 minutes a day). He was absolutely right.

And, thanks to my Neurologist, the amazing people at Johns Hopkins and my friends and family, I’m still here.

​Nobody wanted to be a burden. We didn’t count on having Epilepsy, but we do have to count on the nature of love. 

When they say they can deal with it with no problem, we have to love them enough to believe them. I’m in a happy marriage, but he has to constantly reassure me I’m not a burden. It’s hard. But I realize if he had been the one in this situation, I would have no trouble loving him and doing whatever was necessary. So the next job I have is to believe I’m worthy of the same love I have for him.

PS: If you’ve gone to med school and have 20 years or more experience in Neurology with a focus on Epilepsy, happy to hear medical advice. Otherwise, Nope.

PPS: And, no, marijuana does not help my form of Epilepsy, lol…

FOR COMEDIES OR DRAMAS Choose a one to two-minute monologue in the style of the play, and make certain it has a story arc (beginning, middle and ending) so you can show your range.

Note: Never memorize a monologue from the play being produced unless a director asks and avoid monologues requiring accents.

Next:
Practice, practice, practice... and then follow the format below. Paperwork: Whether auditioning by videotape or in-person, fill out the audition form carefully. You'd be surprised what details will catch a director's eye.

The Audition:
•    If creating a video audition, send it in as soon as possible.
•    If in-person, arrive a little early (actors can bow out and you'll be able to skip the line)

ADDITIONAL TIDBITS:
SHARPEN YOUR ACTING SKILLS LIKE A PRO EVERY DAY BY...

1. OBSERVING CHARACTERS, CHARACTERISTICS, AND SCENARIOS OF THOSE AROUND YOU - THE WAY PEOPLE WALK, SPEAK OR HAVE AFFECTATIONS, i.e an interesting walk, a voice, an odd laugh, or unusual mannerism.

2. KEEP NOTES OR A JOURNAL OF IMAGES, SOUND BYTES AND SENSORY EXPERIENCES THAT GRABBED YOUR ATTENTION.

3. A personal favorite: EVALUATE ACTORS WHEN YOU SEE A PLAY OR WATCH A FILM. ASK YOURSELF WHAT'S WORKING, WHAT ISN'T AND WHY?

But you should enjoy the audition process as much as is humanly possible!

So, after auditioning actors for more than 30 years, here’s a list of things I think you should know:

1. Directors are natural optimists, so we like you the second you walk in the door. Truth: no matter how distracted we, as Artistic Staff, may appear, we are always hoping you’re exactly what we’re looking for;

2. Auditions are more fun and a lot more successful when you come fully prepared. Really prepared. Ridiculously prepared. So learn the “Professional Audition Techniques” blog post. Follow them, and you can’t go wrong (with us or at any other company). Ignore the techniques, and you’ll spend the entire audition in an uphill battle to win our respect;

3. We look for actors who work well with others in creative collaboration. Yes, that’s unusual. We want actors to build and serve the story along with us. Input. Cooperation. Conversely, if you talk behind someone’s back or belittle someone’s idea, you’re gone;

4. If we are holding auditions, 95% of the time, no roles have been pre-cast. Exceptions occur when we are repeating a show or putting on a dinner theatre production. But, again, this is rare;

5. Probably obvious, but the more you audition, the easier it gets. Practice makes perfect… and less anxious; 6. If we believe you’re right for the role, you will be cast in the role. Doesn’t matter if we’ve known you for 30 years or 3 minutes, if it’s your first audition or you had the lead in our last show. We have a reputation for high quality theatre productions for good reason;

7. And what if you don’t get a role? This has zero effect on whether you’ll be cast next time you audition. Why? See No. 3. We take casting seriously, knowing it’s one of the most mentally and emotionally demanding duties we have, and we want you to know we spend a lot of time making our final choices;

8. It’s okay to ask why. In the end, we are very clear about why we think a certain person is either right for a role or is not a good fit for a particular production, and it may help you, as an actor, to know why we made a certain choice, so feel free to ask.

So look over these notes, and ENJOY YOUR NEXT AUDITION!